please, someone take my money

I’ve got a major project due again, so what am I doing? Taking the boy shopping of course. He really does need pj’s, his are way to small. I figured it would be no big deal; head over to Target, pick up a couple of pairs and some fish food and be back home in an hour. Of course it didn’t work that way. Apparently once boys hit the age of 9, they stop wearing pj’s. The largest I could find was 8. He has 8s, they’re too small, hence the need to shop for larger ones. I’m looking for 10-12s so when they shrink, they’ll still fit. There aren’t any at Target, so we slip over to Kohl’s. They don’t have any either. And it’s not like they’re out of stock, there is no place for them to be stocked. They do not exist. I can’t even find any lounge pants his size. Nothing, zip, nada. I am left with one choice, and that’s the dreaded Wal-Mart. Our Wal-mart is one of those with a fast food place in it, and since it’s been an hour since he ate last, he starts whining to get something to eat. No. Not in a Wal-Mart fast food place. I know they have rats in the stockroom, I don’t want to think about the kitchen. So off we go to the boys department with much whining. Again, no “big boy” pjs. in fact, the only boy pj’s I can find at all are on the clearance rack. There is no designated pj rack for boys out of diapers at Wal-Mart. Scrounging through the clearance rack, I find about 20 one-piece footie pjs in sizes from 8 to 18. Oh yeah, this makes sense. I’m a sixteen year old teen boy and I *want* to wear footie pajamas with Lightning McQueen on them. I shit you not, this what they had in stock. My son, in a desparate attempt to exit quickly, says those will be fine mom. Yeah right, the kid has a hard enough time hitting the bowl, I’m going to buy him a one piece to fight with while half asleep? I think not. He agreed once I pointed out the realities of pee. But wait, hidden between two size 16 footies was a pair of non-footie size 10’s. Success! sort of. One pair is not going to cut it. So we go look at the mens lounge pants. I’m figuring I’ll get extra small and hem them. Right. The smallest they had were as long as he is tall. Not happening. So we kind of wander over to the women’s lounge pants. They have Sponge Bob, so he’s getting ok with the idea, as long as there’s no pink and we can leave immediately. But alas, no luck, the only acceptable Sponge Bob pants were size 22W. The men’s were smaller. But lo, an employee, and bonus, its an assistant manager. I explain what I’m looking for and we walk back to the boys department. He looks around, with a more confused than normal look on his face, and finally points to a half rack with about 10 pairs on them. There are 3 my son’s size and one pair of lounge pants. I explain to the manager that of three stores, I have no found exactly 10 pairs of pj’s for a boy older than 8. What does he do? Say something like I’ll make sure we take a look at that, or we’ll order more, or even something asinine like we’re between seasons? No, he tells me to order them online.
Now why didn’t I think of that.


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